All posts by Olusegun Jimoh

BUILDING A LASTING AND ENDURING RELATIONSHIP (Matt.7:24-27)

Introduction

In building a lasting and enduring relationship, it must be deliberate and intentional. Anywhere you depicts consistent and continuous results, principles and laws are kept with adequate level of understanding (Prov.24:3-6)

The strongest and most successful long-term relationships are those that are based on friendship rather than on any sense of need or incompleteness on the part of either or both persons involved. A relationship motivated by need destroys friendship because it is essentially self centered.

A person in need will enter a relationship seeking primarily to satisfy that need rather than seeking to satisfy the needs of the other person or help build that person’s character. Entering a relationship primarily for what we can get out of it defrauds the other person, and that is sin. God places people in our paths—and us in theirs—that we might be a blessing to each other.

The only way to attain a relationship ordained by God, blessed by God, and producing the type of increase, productivity, power, and dominion that God has established for you, is for you to walk in complete agreement and submission to the plan that God put in place.

It takes more than love to make a relationship work, it takes more than just having that strong pull or attraction towards each other to make a relationship succeed and that it takes more than that emotional feeling that exists between you to have a highly successful relationship.

Love in relationship is unconditional but stability and fulfilment in any relationship is highly conditional.

 Ignorance is one of man’s biggest obstacles to achieving success in life and relationships as people often do not know how much they do not know until they start reading.

We shall be Exploring Seven Principles for Building a Lasting Relationship in our context today, but note, there are infinite principles for building a lasting relationship.

SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR BUILDING A LASTING RELATIONSHIP.

 1. Be Driven By Purpose (Jere.1:5): To be driven by purpose means to live in line with that ultimate plan that God has designed for each and every one of us from the foundations of the earth, for without it, though we might be rich, though we might be married to the most beautiful person on earth, though we might have everything working as we want them to, we will never be fulfilled in life and living itself will never make any tangible meaning to us Eccle.3:11. when a person is busy fulfilling purpose their power of choice remains intact and their ability to see beyond the surface personality of any individual remains impeccable.

2. Use Your Head Over Your Emotions (Luke14:28): Decisions they say either make or break us and the choices we make has attached to them corresponding consequences. Therefore, in having a highly successful relationship we must learn to often use our heads over our emotions when making decisions that affect us and the future of our relationship. Emotions cannot really be trusted when it comes to making important life changing relationship decisions. This is because when overwhelmed by emotions we often begin to make bias decisions that are based on what we feel at the moment and not necessarily what is true or real.

3. Develop And Build Good Character (Gal.5:22-23; Php.2:5): The place of good character in our quest for a highly successful relationship cannot be over emphasized, if we truly want to achieve that goal. This is because we cannot succeed in any relationship if we don’t possess the right character qualities that will help sustain us in it especially in the down times of such relationship. Good character is one of the most important qualities a man or woman should always look out for when it comes to the choice of a partner. This is because a person’s character is the sum total of who they are and has a strong influence on whether a relationship succeeds or not. No matter how beautiful or handsome a person might be, if they lack the inner beauty of good character needed to support the outward physical appearance they carry, that person lacks the necessary balance needed to make a relationship successful.

4. Understand And Fulfill Your Role In The Relationship (1Tim.5:8; Eph.5:33) : Understanding and fulfilling your role in your relationship is another integral aspect of any highly successful relationship that must not be ignored or compromised especially in today’s world of role reversals and role confusion as this has also been a major contributor to the increasing divorce statistics and cases of abuse in marriage.

In today’s world, hearing a woman say “I can do better whatever a man can do” is no longer strange as this seems to be the modern day philosophy of most women. This in the true sense of the word is not wrong if it’s said to motivate a woman to achieve her dreams but where it becomes a problem is when a woman – out of misconception of this statement – tend to look down on her partner, taking up his role in the relationship because she thinks she’s smarter or far better than the man in fulfilling these roles.

The truth is that some of these ideologies and philosophies that originated from the feminist movements and are unsuitable for women who seek to enjoy a highly successful relationship with their partners and obey the scriptural injunction of women submitting to their husbands as unto the Lord(See Ephesians 5:22). This is simply because such ideologies and philosophies tend to lose sight of the God ordained pattern of running a home thus leading most women astray as to what their roles really are within a relationship setting

5. Work Out Your Compatibility Problems (Amos3:3): When partners in a relationship are not compatible and cannot work out their compatibility problems, the relationship becomes laden with struggle, bitterness, strife, scheming and unhealthy competition. But in a relationship where both partners are compatible or have taken the time to study and workout their compatibility problems, these vices are eliminated and the relationship becomes a near perfect one not because problems don’t come up anymore but because partners have taken the time to understand each other’s’ strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, dos and don’ts etc. and have decided to work out whatever differences there maybe between them.

6. Forgive Seventy Times Seven Times A Day (Matt.18:21-22): life in its entirety is an adventure of forgiveness. So, if you are not ready to forgive perpetually, don’t venture into any relationship. Man in his best state still have weaknesses. “Relationship is two forgivers living together”. The truth is those words are true for every kind of relationship we’ll ever be involved in.

Forgiving a person is not a feeling but an act of faith, it is consciously calling out the name of the offender and declaring with your mouth that you forgive them and believing it in your heart that you have done so irrespective of how you feel or the hurt done to you and never forgetting to remind the devil that you’ve forgiven such a person each time he tries to remind you of the person’s offence or try to instigate you to act negative towards them.

The truth is forgiveness releases not just the person you are holding in your heart but also releases you from the manipulating effect of anger and resentment over your life and marriage.

7. Stay totally and Unconditionally Committed to Your Relationship (Prov.17:17; Eph.5:30): We have to recognize that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, and persistence.

To stay totally and unconditionally committed to your relationship is to consciously decide to hang in there for as long as it takes to see it changed or transformed for the better. It is intentionally choosing to continue to apply all the right knowledge you’ve acquired despite what your emotions or the current state of the relationship is telling you.

Above all, for us to truly achieve success,  build a lasting and enduring relationships, we must first of all unlearn all the negative concepts and ideas we must have picked up as kids or teenagers about relationships and relearn from people who have succeeded or are succeeding in their relationships and these people I’ll call them Relationship Role Models (RRM).

A relationship role model is someone you look up to, someone who inspires you and someone whose behavior and commitment to their relationship you’ll want to emulate because of the level of success they’ve recorded so far. They are people who through their lives and actions encourage you to be the best of yourself.

We must note that, role models are not to be seen as demi-gods or idols but must be respected and honored for humility is a fundamental requirement for learning from someone else’s experiences and lessons. Have a fruitful and glorious relationship in Jesus name. Remain ever blessed and lifted.